Lau's Family Kitchen

Lau's Family Kitchen
[completely redundant website if you can read address below]
4 Acland St, St Kilda 3182
Telephone: 03 8598 9880

Opening Hours: Mon-Fri, Sun 12pm - 3pm; 6pm-10pm; Sat 6pm-10pm
(Two dinner sessions, 6pm or 8pm - Maximum group booking of 8)


Confucius says: Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.

I'll give you a moment to digest that. Or spit.

The irony is that I do have a dad who begins cautionary conversations with the words 'Confucius says.' And the painful prose that follows usually expresses his eternal regret that we are not spitting-images of him (a message conveyed lightly, but with absolute seriousness).

So when dear old dad called me up in October to instruct me to book a 'good Chinese restaurant' for our Chinese New Year eve dinner, I knew I'd better cough up the goods, or suffer forever-consequences.

And I love Lau's Family Kitchen. I was warned when I booked that they don't do 'special Chinese New Year set', so everyone was to order off the regular menu. Happy to!

Q: When is a bowl of wonton soup worth $11.50?
A: When it's pretty damn good.

O wonderful wonton of silky skin and tender 'neath

We shared four bowls between eight people, so what you see is my half. There's a specific way of describing broth which is incredibly flavourful, sans MSG, and served steaming hot. 'Ch'ng!'

I must interject here to give kudos to the service. As I was ordering, I expressed fears that the dishes would be a bit stretched going round a table of eight, forcing me to order double of everything. Our waitress charmingly suggested that she get the kitchen to size up some of our dishes 1.5 times, then divide them between two plates so we could try a greater variety. Ingenious!


And despite the restaurant being full to capacity, water glasses were refilled rapidly all night (almost with an urgent fervour), and dishes arrived quickly and in perfect succession. Novel experience indeed!

Queensland Wild Barramundi in Light Soy Sauce - 250gm ($30.00)

This was one of the specials, and it was both delicate and delightful. I'm glad we had this but I'm not sure I'd order it again, because it was a little pricey and not particularly unique. If you 'need' to have fish though, this is a more-than-worthy option.

Saute King Prawns - 'Fresh large Queensland Banana Prawns from the Gulf of Carpentaria with a touch of Ginger and Garlic' ($34.00)

This is a half-serve of a sized-up (1.5x) dish. The prawns were definitely not as large as I'd imagined from that description, but they were cooked perfectly (still springy within!). And the mushrooms imparted an excellent smoky flavour to the dish, which I think would have been just a bit boring otherwise.

Personally, I preferred the next dish - which was so similar that it was like a 'veggo' option:

Deep Fried Bean Curd with Mushroom ($17.50)

Once again, this is a half-serve of a sized up dish - and more than generous! I'm fanatical about bean curd and mushrooms, so this was like manna from heaven. Silky cushions of bean curd languorously draped with slivered scarves of mushrooms. I'd take this to bed, but it wouldn't survive the journey. Definitely a repeat order.

Sweet Vinegar Pork Loin ($24.00)

This is half of just one serve so it's a pretty giving dish. I'd describe it as sweet and sour for the self-respecting Chinese, and very rich. I could only manage one piece, but it's fabulous in a spoonful of untainted rice.

Chicken with Chestnut - Braised chicken with chestnuts and shitake mushrooms ($26.00)

Also a generous half of a single serve. This blended in a little with the other stir-fries, but it was faultless on its own. I have a phobia of dry chicken chunks in stir-fries, but these were as moist as can be. I gather chestnut is not something most people have often in savoury dishes (correct me if I'm wrong), so I think this is a fantastic dish to try if so! My chest-nutty sister adored it anyway.

And finally (I've purposely left this for last), this is the star of the night and every night I've ever been here, so you must, MUST order this dish if you come (except if you don't eat beef of course):

Saute Eye Fillet - Stir fried pieces of tender eye fillet with spring onions, ginger and a touch of garlic ($30.00) [Half a sized-up serve]

If you were going to have just one dish here, this would be it. Tantalizing texture, fabulous flavour, and better than many, many an expensive steak I've ever had. There was a momentary silence at the table as everyone bit into the beef, eyes shining and wide. When I was a kid, this phenomenon was described as 'an angel passing by'. Personally, I think said angel was carved up and served.

Pardon my blasphemy while I burp.

We rounded up the night with a ubiquitous banana fritter, prettily adorned with strawberries ($9.50).


Honestly, the best Chinese dinner I've ever had in Melbourne. And I'd challenge Confucius to say otherwise!

Old Kingdom: Go Duck Yourself

Old Kingdom
197 Smith St
Fitzroy
Telephone: 03 9417 2438

Opening Hours: As Seen On Screen

Old Kingdom is the kind of Melbourne stalwart that gives the finger to anything fancy, frivolous or frou-frou.


The method of dining here is simple and wouldn't you know it - lyrical too.

You book for luck
You come eat duck
You leave your buck.

Yes. I rhyme.

The menu here is extensive. I'm not sure why, I've never used it (and nor has anyone I've ever observed in all the years I've been coming here). This is because all the ordering is done over the telephone when you make your booking.

"Are you coming at 6pm or 8pm?"
"How many people?"
"How many ducks?"

Easy. And releases early dinner conversation from the painful and political process of tentative "what-would-you-like-s" when dining in a group. Rule of thumb: order one duck per two persons if they're of the vociferous edibilus variety, three if they are of normalus appetitus.

If you're a Kingdom virgin (salute my days as a gaming geek), you'll be subjected to the initiation process of how-to-place-your-duck described to death everywhere and even YouTubed here.
All the servers have been trained to do it, but the inaugural delivery may be attributed to ol' Simon, so if it's his you desire you'll need to go on a Friday night. Sometimes Saturday.

Otherwise, you may waive such foreplay and get straight down to the dirty-dirty.

$55 per duck will get you three courses, and a choice of where you want to sit.

Downstairs.

Upstairs.

Preface: Service is very efficient here but sometimes friendly and sometimes not which, unfortunately, is the wont of many Chinese restaurants. I find that if they recognize you from previous visits, they're nicer. But when I leave the family behind and go incognito with others, my filial-lessness is occasionally punished with a 'tude.

Either way, your experience begins and ends with an empty plate.


A smokin' hot duck is brought out from the kitchen in full, unadorned glory.


To demonstrate the crispiness of the duck, the head is snapped off. Viewer discretion is advised.


A whirr of knifing ensues. Slices of caramel-crisp skin crack open to reveal moist, yielding fat and flesh.


These are shaved onto the plate as the duck is split, quartered and laid to bare before its remains are coquettishly whipped away to be made up and returned in other guises.


Paper-thin sheets of crepe are provided to cover up the modesty of your meat. And the sweet sauce, spring onion, and cucumber make fantastic bedfellows.

Mmmm.

The second course is a fun, fried frolic of flesh in a field of beansprouts. It's not rocket science, but it is rollicking! You have the option of a refillable rice accompaniment to your stir-fry for an additional $1.80 per person.


And finally, as you stretch back in satisfaction, the third course arrives. A light, reassuring duck broth which I always think is wasted on bulging bellies as it's really very good but never fairly enjoyed. I imagine it's meant to be a palate cleanser, but it doesn't skimp on flavour! And of course, I adore anything with tofu added, anything at all.


Spill out on the street later for a post-coital smoke if you must, but remember that Old Kingdom is old faithful. Take advantage of the complimentary carcasses - as many as you can carry - and bring them home to meet the parents! Useful for stock, or you know - a lonely night with the lights turned low!

Come again? Over and over!

HuTong Dumpling Bar

HuTong Dumpling Bar
14 - 16 Market Ln
Melbourne CBD
Telephone: 03 9650 8128

Hutong is yummy. Hutong is pretty. And Hutong has proved to be very, very, very popular.

So in a valiant (and unusual!) attempt to be pithy, here are the things you should and should not do at Hutong.

DO

1. Make a reservation. The nice thing about HuTong is that they can take group bookings of up to 13 if you ask nicely, and you can even request the level on which you'd like to be placed (there are three altogether). Go for the gold, and ask for the top floor. As you can see, it is very lovely, and unlike many other Chinatown restaurants, does not look like it was built, painted and 'decorated' in the gaudy '80s.


2. Order the xiao long baos. Of course, of course, of COURSE order the xiao long baos; if there is only ONE reason to come here - this is it.


Light and delicate skin that doesn't break when you lift the xiao long bao. Check.


Flavourful and plentiful soup within with moist lump of meat. Check.

Perfect. Check.

3. Order some of the other specials (more on this later).

This is a lovely (and very large!) Cheng Du Style Combination in Chilli ($23.80).
It came highly recommended on the menu, and was basically a hot pot of duck (if I'm not mistaken), bean shoots, broccoli and ham. The downside of this dish was that it was a bit hard to tell all the ingredients apart as they were all soaked in the chilli broth. To be fair, however, the broth is so pungent and tasty that it's not a dish you wouldn't ever order again - just maybe only when you need a chilli hit, and lots of it!

This was the other star of the evening, a very interesting Scallop with Eggplant in Claypot in Szechuan Chilli Sauce ($20.90). Think fat and fresh scallops with smooth (but not mushy) eggplant slices. Spicy, generous, tasty - it eats exactly as it looks.

Other dishes that we had (but couldn't get good pictures of, because of the low, low lighting up on third) were the Dong Po Square Soft Pork ($7.80) - you'd have to order a few of these if you wanted to share it, it's a small cube of sweet braised fatty pork, nothing unusual if you've had it at other Chinese restaurants, the Hand Tear Cabbage ($15.80) - think pieces of roughly torn cabbage in chilli, not unpleasant but nothing outstanding either, and the Won Tons in Chilli ($8.00) - certainly not as large as my benchmark in Rose Garden (eating there is obviously a very different and less luxurious type of experience), but plump enough, and very nicely made!

Which brings me to what you shouldn't do in Hutong.

DO NOT (cannot stress this enough)

Spoil your meal by ordering too many 'specials'. Or rather, be very careful not to order too many dishes that are described as cooked in chilli or boiled in chilli or containing chilli etc (which really are most of the specials) as they will all turn up cooked in identical chilli broths. Point in case - the scallop and eggplant, the won tons, the Cheng Du combination, and even the cabbage above. It really doesn't do justice to any of the dishes individually because after awhile all the flavours run together, and you lose the variety of 'tastes' you should be drawing out from your meal as an entirety - and go away feeling like you've just drunk a really huge bowl of chilli oil. This is unfair to you, and also unfair to the dishes because they really all quite good on their own - so my advice to you is to break up the chilli-fied dishes for different visits, or if you have a substantially large group, order lots of non-chilli options as well for variety! I've had the deep fried whitebait on a previous occasion, and it's fantastic!

So in short - go, go, go to HuTong and feel free to bring your friends and family as so few other places cater properly for large groups. And when you're there, order the specials - but not all of them!

Hawker's Cafe - Chicken Rice

Hawker's Cafe
213 Russell St
Melbourne Vic 3000
Telephone: 03 9662 1867

Opening Hours: Sun - Thurs 1o:30am - 11:30pm; Fri - Sat 10:30am - 5:00am



I've had this intermittent craving for chicken rice ever since witnessing Poh pull off the most gourmet version ever in the Masterchef final. Now I know everyone's got their own favourites so I'm not going to get into a lenghty dispute over whose assertion is the most accurate. Suffice to say the most convenient (and yummiest!) place to get chicken rice in Melbourne in my opinion is Hawker's Cafe.

Yeah I know, how often does a place serving street food have its own website, hey?


Anyway, here is the menu for your perusal - and you can take it home with you! I haven't tried, but it also says you can call in beforehand to place your orders for take-out, which is very convenient if you are speeding through the city and need to grab a pre-theatre meal toute suite!


I know for a fact that this place is pretty popular so you can imagine my surprise when I dropped in at 7pm on Friday night and it was, well...a ghost town.


I'm guessing that it's because this is a supper haunt for everyone else given that they close at 5am(!) on weekends.

There were exactly two other customers, one a lady who was loudly dispensing unsolicited advice to everyone in the vicinity (apparently I should eat as much chicken rice as I can while I'm young and can't get fat - oh how little you know, O Wise One), and the other an incongruously well-dressed man clutching a bouquet of flowers (think you might've gotten the wrong place, sonny!). This didn't deter me from placing two orders for chicken rice - one 'large' for G ($11.80), and one 'regular' for me ($8.80), though it did deter us from eating in.

Front of house and The Wise One

Other House Specials

And so - after some of the most efficient and friendly service I've ever had in a Chinese take-out, I gingerly carry my orders back home.



And what a reward for my effort! Generous servings of silky chicken, fragrant (though admittedly oily) rice, and a fantastically sour and spicy chilli dipping sauce that packs a real punch so make sure you don't get an entire mouthful of red banana chilli. And I really like it when places go the extra mile - we received an extra (unrequested) container of chilli sauce above the two individual ones we got with our meal.


Would I come here again? I have, and more times than I'll admit! Here's a parting shot:

Clichés - Rose Garden BBQ Shop

Rose Garden BBQ Shop
435 Elizabeth St
(Take any Elizabeth St tram and stop at Franklin St)
Telephone: 03 9329 1560

Opening Hours: Mon-Sat 11am - 9pm

Like a Melbourne restaurant hidden away so no one but those in the 'know' can find it.

And like a tiny Chinese restaurant/take-away that does so much business you wonder why they don't...spruce up.


Rose Garden is tiny. And sandwiched between two restaurants with bright orange facades (one with neon lettering even) so I've walked past it many times even when I'm looking for it.


The format here is very similar to all the other HK-type eateries in the city. You enter, pick a combination of your 'dish' with rice, e.g. "BBQ pork on rice" or "Pig stomach in black pepper with rice" (the latter is a real winner of a combination by the way), and everything is priced below $10. Simple.

The only difference is that the food here is so much better than the perfunctory, fill-your-belly student fare that you usually get closer to the beaten track (a.k.a. Swanston St). It's authentic, fast, fresh, and just goddamn generous.

I usually come here for takeaway, because
a. I live nearby, and
b. Seating, as you may observe, is very limited


Most people get the spicy chicken ribs on rice ($8.30), which, I gather, is their true specialty despite the roast meats hanging in the window and indeed, despite the name of the restaurant. Which doesn't mean that they don't do a mean BBQ - they do, and it runs out really quickly (hence the unorthodox early closing time for an Asian student-centred joint), but the chicken ribs are just...

Mmmm.


As you can see, I get mine topped up with roast pork anyway, for an extra $5.

With a serving of won tons (four plump parcels in a bowl of actual soup) ($4.20). I prefer these to the limp and emaciated ones I've had at Camy.


Bliss. And much-needed nourishment for many a quick and comfy dinner at home.