Old Kingdom: Go Duck Yourself

Old Kingdom
197 Smith St
Fitzroy
Telephone: 03 9417 2438

Opening Hours: As Seen On Screen

Old Kingdom is the kind of Melbourne stalwart that gives the finger to anything fancy, frivolous or frou-frou.


The method of dining here is simple and wouldn't you know it - lyrical too.

You book for luck
You come eat duck
You leave your buck.

Yes. I rhyme.

The menu here is extensive. I'm not sure why, I've never used it (and nor has anyone I've ever observed in all the years I've been coming here). This is because all the ordering is done over the telephone when you make your booking.

"Are you coming at 6pm or 8pm?"
"How many people?"
"How many ducks?"

Easy. And releases early dinner conversation from the painful and political process of tentative "what-would-you-like-s" when dining in a group. Rule of thumb: order one duck per two persons if they're of the vociferous edibilus variety, three if they are of normalus appetitus.

If you're a Kingdom virgin (salute my days as a gaming geek), you'll be subjected to the initiation process of how-to-place-your-duck described to death everywhere and even YouTubed here.
All the servers have been trained to do it, but the inaugural delivery may be attributed to ol' Simon, so if it's his you desire you'll need to go on a Friday night. Sometimes Saturday.

Otherwise, you may waive such foreplay and get straight down to the dirty-dirty.

$55 per duck will get you three courses, and a choice of where you want to sit.

Downstairs.

Upstairs.

Preface: Service is very efficient here but sometimes friendly and sometimes not which, unfortunately, is the wont of many Chinese restaurants. I find that if they recognize you from previous visits, they're nicer. But when I leave the family behind and go incognito with others, my filial-lessness is occasionally punished with a 'tude.

Either way, your experience begins and ends with an empty plate.


A smokin' hot duck is brought out from the kitchen in full, unadorned glory.


To demonstrate the crispiness of the duck, the head is snapped off. Viewer discretion is advised.


A whirr of knifing ensues. Slices of caramel-crisp skin crack open to reveal moist, yielding fat and flesh.


These are shaved onto the plate as the duck is split, quartered and laid to bare before its remains are coquettishly whipped away to be made up and returned in other guises.


Paper-thin sheets of crepe are provided to cover up the modesty of your meat. And the sweet sauce, spring onion, and cucumber make fantastic bedfellows.

Mmmm.

The second course is a fun, fried frolic of flesh in a field of beansprouts. It's not rocket science, but it is rollicking! You have the option of a refillable rice accompaniment to your stir-fry for an additional $1.80 per person.


And finally, as you stretch back in satisfaction, the third course arrives. A light, reassuring duck broth which I always think is wasted on bulging bellies as it's really very good but never fairly enjoyed. I imagine it's meant to be a palate cleanser, but it doesn't skimp on flavour! And of course, I adore anything with tofu added, anything at all.


Spill out on the street later for a post-coital smoke if you must, but remember that Old Kingdom is old faithful. Take advantage of the complimentary carcasses - as many as you can carry - and bring them home to meet the parents! Useful for stock, or you know - a lonely night with the lights turned low!

Come again? Over and over!

Sapore

Sapore
3-5 Fitzroy St
St Kilda VIC 3182
Telephone 03 9534 9666

It's funny how you never go somewhere for ages and then suddenly find yourself there twice in a week. I'm back in St Kilda - BFF Yunn turns 21, and being the ultra-generous creature that she is, hosts a gorgeous private dinner at Sapore, which is newly-hatted, and always pretty. I should probably start by saying that this isn't the first function I've attended here - the place, honestly, is quite beautiful, and perfect for the most 'elegant' of dinners - especially in comparison to some other hatted restaurants we checked out in the Carlton area. To be fair, however, most of those are converted houses, and perhaps don't have the scope for the kind of modern architectural design sported by Sapore.

(Placecards not provided, the hostess made ours)

And so - to food. In my opinion, the function menu is competitively-priced - especially when you consider the fussy $100 meals that other restaurants were proffering in venues much less attractive *cue sour look. I also detest places that are inflexible about their minimum spend, especially if it's a weekday function and and the room isn't being used anyway - it's such a silly way to turn off potential future customers and lose a veritable source of income for the restaurant. Happily, Sapore was flexible on the most parts regarding the minimum spend, especially as there were only about 20 of us.

The menu draws on dishes from the actual menu, so the prices listed below are as per ala carte (obtained from their website).

Choice of three appetizers, and like any seafood aficionado, I pick the 'Salt and pepper calamari with a salad of bitter leaves (read: rocquette), garlic, aioli lemon and fig vincotto (huh) - $18.'


And I have to say, I was very happy with this. I know it's not the most original of dishes, but the calamari was crisp and fresh - though I can't say it was warm, and I'm not sure whether this is intentional or because all the appetizers had to be served at a go. It was lovely, generous, and really, just the kind of moreish food you look for after a day in salty St Kilda.

Choice of three meals, and I faithfully select the seafood option (though not without some internal struggle) and it's 'Atlantic salmon with snow pea, beetroot, sauce vierge and a scallop & prawn tortellini - $28.'


And it...meets expectations. Certainly, it's a sizeable cut of salmon, cooked well (not over or under after a Goldilocks-type examination), and the skin is perfectly crisp. I also liked the filling of the tortellini, it was very won ton/dim sum-ish. For the same reason, however, I felt the pasta casing didn't work - I know it said tortellini but I think that for such a delicate balance of flavours, a much thinner case is called for. But to be fair, the entire dish was satisfactory and arrived 'as described.' So I really struggled to figure out why I wouldn't order this again. And then it came to me - I'd been attacked by an acute case of order envy:

Duck 'due mode' with butternut pumpkin, mustard fruits, foie gras mousse and blackberry vinaigrette - $34.

Oh I could go into raptures about this, it is lovely, lovely, lovely. Tender, juicy, flavourful - everything a duck should be. And I know this because the hostess' father on my right generously placed on my plate one of those large chunks you see at the forefront of the picture. Which I proceeded to chew and nibble at slowly for the rest of the meal, at the expense of finishing my own.

The other options were 'Prime cut of the day with truffle mash potato, salsa verde and a veal jus' (The menu option reads 'Grain fed eye fillet' with the same garnish and is priced at $36)


And Sapore's 'signature' Seafood Linguine with prawns, calamari, mussels, fish, chilli & parsley - $29.

Both were good - with the steak, I'd advise future punters to order it cooked a tad under what you'd like, as the hostess' mother's 'medium well' proved well-done, while the 'rare' steak I sampled was cooked to perfection. And it's such a crime to overcook meat. The linguine, which I've had on two previous occasions is everything it should be and a very safe option if it's the kind of thing you like. Probably perfect for the less adventurous kiddies.

And finally, dessert in the form of an ultra-rich birthday cake - the 'St Moritz' from Lindt; three 'silky tiers of dark, milk & white chocolate mousse', each separated by thin layers of almond cake:


The one in the picture is actually two 'large' cakes pushed together ($65 each). Very rich, and very good. The beautiful plaque was ordered especially from Koko Black, and came packed in bubble wrap with complimentary chocolate curls - also individually wrapped. Now that's service!

And thus, Sapore - everything a fancy night out should be. Go for the duck.